My Globe is NOT Warming

I don’t know about anyone else, but this is absolutely ridiculous. Here I am- in the great ‘southern’ state of Texas freezing for the fifth or sixth week in a row. It has already snowed, iced, iced again, and sleeted at least a dozen times. And yet- in spite of all of that- more is on the way! HELP!!

I like winter as much as the next guy; however, I have to put my foot down. I have heard people saying how wonderful it is that we are getting all this cold weather- “Good for killing the bugs’ they say. Well I don’t think there is a single bug left. Today a co-worker of mine asked in desperation, “You think all those bugs are dead yet?” The answer is a resounding, “YES!”

As I type, a commission on Global Warming is meeting in the new democratic congress. I want to know just what they plan to discus. Over half the nation has been experiencing a very cold winter for over a month and half! I am no scientist- but the last time I turned on my heat, my house didn’t cool down (unless of course it was last winter when my circuit breaker fried and I was just basically getting nice cool air from outside).

Global warming my big fat toe. I wish my part of the globe was warm- and I hate to be the one to break the news- ITS NOT!

As a native Texan I am just not made for this. My blood is too thin for continuous cold. (I’m getting goose bumps just thinking about it.) In fact, it’s part of the rules. You know the one I am talking about. The one that states:

“Winter in the Sovereign Republic[state] of Texas shall never consist of more than thirty consecutive days of below seventy degree weather. At no time shall members of said state not be fully entitled to at least three days of seventy degree or above temperatures within the previously stated time frame.”

(And for all of you who are about to object because of this past weekend- sixty degrees is a far cry from seventy!)

There it is- lifted directly from the text of the Constitution of Texas. (If you doubt it- read through the document yourself and prove me wrong!)

I’m COLD! I’m stinking cold! I want to be warm. I want to take my shoes off and walk in a nice green yard and feel the grass beneath my feet. I want to walk outside after a warm spring shower and squish my toes in warm Texas mud. I want to walk outside and feel nothing- absolutely nothing at all, except for heat.

The only- and yes, ONLY- good thing about this winter is the anticipation of summer. I think this year I shall have to do something drastic. Perhaps I shall throw some sort of paganistic ‘Summer Solstice’ party where we come together and pay homage to the much anticipated sun.