Saturday, February 03, 2007


The day has finally arrived! SUPER SUNDAY! Contrary to the many opinions of people I know- I can’t think of a better day for the Supper Bowl than a Sunday. Furthermore, I can’t think of a better day than the day immediately following my Birthday. (Having it the day of my Birthday might not be such a good thing because it might not get as much attention.)

I LOVE THE SUPER BOWL! That’s right. I, the author of this page, love the Super Bowl. Now for all of you who actually know me, that statement demands some explanation- especially since I really hate football.

There are many reasons to hate the game of football- not the least of which being that an actual game takes about ten hours. Where else can you see grown men bulked up with fake muscles jumping on each other and slapping each others butt all over a ball? (Kinda weird when you ask it like that!)

What really kills me, are the die hard fans. You know the ones I refer to. In fact, you might be one yourself. I am talking about those of you who refer to everything in the second person. For example: “We have played a really good game this year” and “Our offence is on fire” or “Ya’ll are going to get smeared on the grass”. As if anyone other than the actually players of the team can use this type of language.

How about the ones who have to wear and buy ANYTHING with a team name or logo? Aren’t they the stupid ones who are wasting all of their money? Somewhere someone is making BILLIONS of dollars over a giant foam finger that has a horseshoe on it. Can you imagine? Let me say that again: Billions of dollars over something as ridiculous as a giant foam finger.

As an avid fan I really enjoy those who can talk of nothing else but football as the day nears. It’s as if they are so excited about what is happening they are about to explode with anticipation. They can think or do nothing that does not involve football. It’s like a whole room of giant pimples just waiting to be POPPED! (That one may have been over the top, but I liked it!)

The new fangled fans are the ones who actually blog about the teams. (I put this one in for two people, who happen to be related, and they know who they are!)

So here it is… the big day… the Super Sunday of them all- Super Bowl Sunday! At long last the agonizing ending to endless football conversations. It is the day that heralds the beginning of the rest of American existence. For all of use who cannot stand football, it is the day of our salvation. What better day to be saved from football then Sunday?

To all of you who are similar. To all of you sometimes feel that the people around you are on the brink of falling off the deep end. Sometimes you look at them and think they just might care a little too much. Have no fear- our salvation is near! Tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday and the long awaited end to idiots making money from foam fingers and those really crazy fan blogs. Happy Super Sunday to YOU!


Dan Bryant said...

That foam finger site is really great. I can't say that I have ever heard of anyone proposing for marriage with a foam hand saying "will you marry me" but I guess there is always a first.

Joseph James said...

Doesn't it kill you when someone has an idea like that? The ideas you could have thought of but didn't.