Monday, January 29, 2007

My Globe is NOT Warming

I don’t know about anyone else, but this is absolutely ridiculous. Here I am- in the great ‘southern’ state of Texas freezing for the fifth or sixth week in a row. It has already snowed, iced, iced again, and sleeted at least a dozen times. And yet- in spite of all of that- more is on the way! HELP!!

I like winter as much as the next guy; however, I have to put my foot down. I have heard people saying how wonderful it is that we are getting all this cold weather- “Good for killing the bugs’ they say. Well I don’t think there is a single bug left. Today a co-worker of mine asked in desperation, “You think all those bugs are dead yet?” The answer is a resounding, “YES!”

As I type, a commission on Global Warming is meeting in the new democratic congress. I want to know just what they plan to discus. Over half the nation has been experiencing a very cold winter for over a month and half! I am no scientist- but the last time I turned on my heat, my house didn’t cool down (unless of course it was last winter when my circuit breaker fried and I was just basically getting nice cool air from outside).

Global warming my big fat toe. I wish my part of the globe was warm- and I hate to be the one to break the news- ITS NOT!

As a native Texan I am just not made for this. My blood is too thin for continuous cold. (I’m getting goose bumps just thinking about it.) In fact, it’s part of the rules. You know the one I am talking about. The one that states:

“Winter in the Sovereign Republic[state] of Texas shall never consist of more than thirty consecutive days of below seventy degree weather. At no time shall members of said state not be fully entitled to at least three days of seventy degree or above temperatures within the previously stated time frame.”

(And for all of you who are about to object because of this past weekend- sixty degrees is a far cry from seventy!)

There it is- lifted directly from the text of the Constitution of Texas. (If you doubt it- read through the document yourself and prove me wrong!)

I’m COLD! I’m stinking cold! I want to be warm. I want to take my shoes off and walk in a nice green yard and feel the grass beneath my feet. I want to walk outside after a warm spring shower and squish my toes in warm Texas mud. I want to walk outside and feel nothing- absolutely nothing at all, except for heat.

The only- and yes, ONLY- good thing about this winter is the anticipation of summer. I think this year I shall have to do something drastic. Perhaps I shall throw some sort of paganistic ‘Summer Solstice’ party where we come together and pay homage to the much anticipated sun.


Karla said...

Again you have made me laugh and smile! I love this. I, too, have said the same things about global warming this year. They are wasting our taxpayer dollars researching this subject. LOL!

Keith and Carla said...

LOL. You are funny! Personally, I enjoy the colder weather. I have been wishing we could have some snow, just not the ice.

Linda Elms said...

Joseph you are a SCREAM! LOL!!!! I love your post. LOL!! If you had to live in woman's body in "that time of life" you wouldn't be complaining about the COLD! You would be dreading the summer! You men have it EASY! LOL!

Gene Holley, Jr. said...

Joseph, I enjoyed this post so much that I have posted about you on our blog. You have such a way of words. I thought you deserved a tribute - "The Great Philosopher."

bouellette said...

You are so funny. Turn up your electric blanket a notch, or two.

Joseph James said...

Keith and Carla- your crazy... or at least too far south to really know how cold it has been. lol

And by the way... my electric blanket always goes on at night!

Anonymous said...

Waaaah, Waaaah, Waaaah!!!
Call the Waahmbulance! Maybe you should get a fire goin in your fireplace!

Ronda Hurst said...

Bro. Joseph, You need to move to sunny California! LOL
I'm adding you to my blogroll if that's ok. Thanks for some good stuff.
Sis. Hurst

Linda Elms said...

Joseph, it wouldn't do you any good to move out to California. When I'm there I FREEZE! LOL! (really)

Joseph James said...

Don't worry, I could never willingly leave Texas. lol

Linda Elms said...

I didn't think you were going anywhere! LOL! I'm glad you're not leaving Texas!!

Lori said...

Joseph, I agree with you 100%!!!
I am so SICK of the winter time, I am ready for spring, also. I really freeze now since my surgery! I never knew I could get soooo cold!

Joseph James said...

Sis. Hurst... I would not mind at all if you add me to your list. I have been to your site before as well. I will add you to mine.