Because I am a teacher, I am prone to having discussions about my students with other teachers (purely for professional reasons I assure you). Just this last week, I was discussing a student who is having a hard time with the whole ‘I am now a teen and need to bath regularly’ issue with a fellow teacher who is probably as close to a political and religious opposite to me as they come. She commented on how maybe our ‘early’ ancestors might not have bathed regularly but we certainly do. Of course I simply replied with the comment that my ancestors did bathe, whereas she referred to the whole caveman thing and I said she was nuts (playful banter I assure you). It did; however, get me to thinking: this whole evolution argument could have its advantages. I mean what other philosophy will give humanity the excuse to act like an animal with no consequences?
Not too long ago I was on a trip with a number of kids to the monkey mountain at the zoo and we saw this wonderful specimen of primate sitting right out in front of everyone playing with his little happy. He had the biggest smile and could have cared less that he was doing his thing out in front of God and everyone else who walked by. I have a friend who tells a story of watching the monkeys eating their poo, even seeing one with a long cigar like poo hanging out of his mouth. What gets me most- is that people want to be related to these happy poo eaters so bad they will believe almost anything someone says to help prove it.
So- I got to thinking about her comment and the whole evolution ‘situation’. The thought finally hit me. Maybe the only thing Darwin was looking for was an excuse for all his shortcomings. After all, if these are the creatures we evolved from, we have no choice but to act like animals? As part of human ancestry, and strictly scientifically of course, we must all have some remnant of those mischievous little monkeys running around on the inside of us just waiting to do something dumb and stupid.
I say we start a revolution. From now, anything we do that is not acceptable, we blame it on our monkey. After all, if these are the creatures we evolved from, we have no choice but to act like animals? From now on everything gets blamed on ‘our monkey.’ Evolutionists would have no choice but to accept our admission of guilt.
Show up late for work tomorrow… “Sorry Sir, it was my monkey.”
Forget to stop by the store and pick up the milk… “Sorry honey, it’s my monkey’s fault.”
Say something inappropriate at dinner… “Oops, there goes my monkey again!”
Leave the ‘privy’ seat up… “Well, what can I say- monkey problems.”
Caught playing around on the computer at the job… “I took a monkey moment- my bad.”
Just think of all the wonderfully irresponsible things we could get away with and blame on our monkeys. Because everyone comes from a monkey, none can argue the point otherwise. Irresponsibility at its absolute finest and totally validated- The great hope of evolution.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
The Endorsement List
On November 7, 2006 the citizens of the sovereign Republic of Texas will have the opportunity to elect several new individuals to office across our holy state. One of those offices just happens to be the office of governor. On almost all occasions, I am a straight ticket republican voter. I check that nice little box at the top of the card that says 'Republican.' Nice. Easy. Effective. However; and here is where I am dropping my bombshell... I will not be voting straight ticket this time around. I know... for all of you who actually know me... what a total shocker! After carefully looking at all the candidates who are running this year, and some of the incumbents flops, I am backing 'one tough grandma.' That's right... this year is my year of the independent vote! Who would have ever guessed?
For many of you that is no big deal... but for someone who only votes straight party lines, this is a monumental day. (Or at least it will be.) Why? Well... of all the issues... I really think it comes down to that ridiculous Trans Texas Highway idea that Perry is pushing. Out of all the stupid ideas, I just can't wrap my head around the idea of seizing Texas land, pouring miles of concrete, building tollways, and allowing all the money to go to foreign companies for several years. Anyone who is favor of tollways only needs to travel to the pathetic state of oklahoma (and yes, it’s lowercase on purpose). There is no other way of insuring our roads to complete desolation than to turn them over to a private 'foreign' company that will not be spending any of the income on already existing roads. Besides... in all honesty... who in the world wants a Trans 'anything' Highway down the middle of their state- let alone one as great as Texas.
This of course also means that by default I will also have the opportunity to be voting for David F. Quite a shocker since he was one of the pussys that ran off to oklahoma (another lowercase) when the democrats where not getting their way. Reminded me a lot of another 'gore-loser'. On the issue of David F. I have no idea if I will vote for him or not. All I know is that I have met Mrs. Craft... and somethin' jus' ain't right about that one. (Speaking in my native tongue.) So, for those of you in Wichita Falls here is the official list of endorsements from The Dialogue of Joseph James (I have sooo many readers you know.)
For many of you that is no big deal... but for someone who only votes straight party lines, this is a monumental day. (Or at least it will be.) Why? Well... of all the issues... I really think it comes down to that ridiculous Trans Texas Highway idea that Perry is pushing. Out of all the stupid ideas, I just can't wrap my head around the idea of seizing Texas land, pouring miles of concrete, building tollways, and allowing all the money to go to foreign companies for several years. Anyone who is favor of tollways only needs to travel to the pathetic state of oklahoma (and yes, it’s lowercase on purpose). There is no other way of insuring our roads to complete desolation than to turn them over to a private 'foreign' company that will not be spending any of the income on already existing roads. Besides... in all honesty... who in the world wants a Trans 'anything' Highway down the middle of their state- let alone one as great as Texas.
This of course also means that by default I will also have the opportunity to be voting for David F. Quite a shocker since he was one of the pussys that ran off to oklahoma (another lowercase) when the democrats where not getting their way. Reminded me a lot of another 'gore-loser'. On the issue of David F. I have no idea if I will vote for him or not. All I know is that I have met Mrs. Craft... and somethin' jus' ain't right about that one. (Speaking in my native tongue.) So, for those of you in Wichita Falls here is the official list of endorsements from The Dialogue of Joseph James (I have sooo many readers you know.)
Governor: Carole Keeton Strayhorn (I)
Lieutenant Governor: David Dewhurst (R)
Attorney General: Greg Abbott (R)
Comptroller: Susan Combs (R)
House District 69: David L. Farabee (D)
United States Senator: Kay Bailey Hutchison (R)
United States Representative District 13: William Thornberry (R)
Saturday, October 21, 2006
The Next President
In the October issue of Time magazine, Joe Klein, a Time correspondent who tries to act as if he truly is in the middle of the political arena, discusses Barack Obama, "a political rocket and potential presidential contender", as a possible choice for President of the United States. Why? Because he is popular, black, and democrat. My take on the issue is quite different...
I say let Condi run. Or even better, pull J.C. Watts out of political retirement and let him have a go at it. If any political party needs to put a black president in the Oval Office, it should be the party that does not discriminate on the basis of economic or racial background. The worst thing that has ever happened to Americans of color was the Democratic Party. No one has been more intent on keeping minority Americans in the minority than the democrats. No other party fosters generational dependence on social programs, government aide, and many other societal crutches.
The ideal setting is to give Condi a shot at the V.P. position. The republicans would garner all of the moderate democratic black votes, and all the moderate woman’s libbers who just want to see a black woman in a position of power. After four or eight years, after everyone loves her and the nation has warmed up to the idea of a woman president just a little more, let her run for office. The Republican Party would be killing two birds with one stone- being the first party to put a woman in the V.P. slot and the Presidential seat while also electing the first black American to the office.
This plan would work because democrats, as a whole, are uncommitted. (Unless you are talking about the really crazy ones that actually believe we came from monkeys and that trees should rule the Earth.) Democrats are relatively easy to sway. Most of them have no idea why they believe what they believe. They believe how they do because someone who has thought so hard that they lost their mind has told them they should. Republicans are usually straight ticket voters. (Sometimes not a good thing, I will admit.) Many of them have very strong beliefs and don't change them depending on the economy or how the world views our country.
No matter how you look at it, it would be a win-win situation.
I say let Condi run. Or even better, pull J.C. Watts out of political retirement and let him have a go at it. If any political party needs to put a black president in the Oval Office, it should be the party that does not discriminate on the basis of economic or racial background. The worst thing that has ever happened to Americans of color was the Democratic Party. No one has been more intent on keeping minority Americans in the minority than the democrats. No other party fosters generational dependence on social programs, government aide, and many other societal crutches.
The ideal setting is to give Condi a shot at the V.P. position. The republicans would garner all of the moderate democratic black votes, and all the moderate woman’s libbers who just want to see a black woman in a position of power. After four or eight years, after everyone loves her and the nation has warmed up to the idea of a woman president just a little more, let her run for office. The Republican Party would be killing two birds with one stone- being the first party to put a woman in the V.P. slot and the Presidential seat while also electing the first black American to the office.
This plan would work because democrats, as a whole, are uncommitted. (Unless you are talking about the really crazy ones that actually believe we came from monkeys and that trees should rule the Earth.) Democrats are relatively easy to sway. Most of them have no idea why they believe what they believe. They believe how they do because someone who has thought so hard that they lost their mind has told them they should. Republicans are usually straight ticket voters. (Sometimes not a good thing, I will admit.) Many of them have very strong beliefs and don't change them depending on the economy or how the world views our country.
No matter how you look at it, it would be a win-win situation.
Monday, October 16, 2006
In the beginning...
It seems that everyone who is internet savvy has a blog. I am not sure I even know what a blog is? The incredibly fascinating wonder, Wikipedia, informed me that it was a cross between the words 'web' and 'log'. That seems simple enough. Then it goes on to talk about images, links to other blogs, multiple websites, videos, and audio. Yeah right! Like I am ever going to have the time to load all that stuff onto a blog site- let alone learn how. The one saving grace was the word 'textual.' I like that word. It sounds smart. And I am, after all, a smart guy.
Just saying it out loud causes me to feel the intellect surging within. I can picture the inside of my brain firing with all kinds of electricity. You know what I am talking about. Those magnified images of the inner working of our brains. Those little splaty looking things that are all interconnected to one another with electrical current moving across them. Like anyone has actually ever seen that really happening.
Reading the word on the screen makes me feel as if I am involved in some sort of grand thesis. Somehow it makes me feel as if I should be surrounded by all types of musty lore. Pages that actually make a noise when you flip them. Pages that talk to you. You get the sense that you are pouring through time into the past- filled with a scholarly sense of wisdom.
In a more Freudian aspect, the word is strikingly similar to sexual. Almost containing a dark mystery wrapped up in its syllables. Maybe that's why it seems like such fun to roll it around in your mouth. Perhaps I'll stay away from rolling 'sexual' around in my mouth... might not be the best idea.
The word is almost as much fun as saying the word 'tomorrow.' Have you ever stopped to say the word 'tomorrow'? Do you do that; take different words or phrases and repeat them over and over again in your mouth, experiencing how they work and how they feel? I do. It's like sucking on a Lifesaver. Putting the word in your mouth and tasting every part of it. Maybe that is what I will do with my blog. Experience it... over and over again... seeing how it works- how it feels.
Just saying it out loud causes me to feel the intellect surging within. I can picture the inside of my brain firing with all kinds of electricity. You know what I am talking about. Those magnified images of the inner working of our brains. Those little splaty looking things that are all interconnected to one another with electrical current moving across them. Like anyone has actually ever seen that really happening.
Reading the word on the screen makes me feel as if I am involved in some sort of grand thesis. Somehow it makes me feel as if I should be surrounded by all types of musty lore. Pages that actually make a noise when you flip them. Pages that talk to you. You get the sense that you are pouring through time into the past- filled with a scholarly sense of wisdom.
In a more Freudian aspect, the word is strikingly similar to sexual. Almost containing a dark mystery wrapped up in its syllables. Maybe that's why it seems like such fun to roll it around in your mouth. Perhaps I'll stay away from rolling 'sexual' around in my mouth... might not be the best idea.
The word is almost as much fun as saying the word 'tomorrow.' Have you ever stopped to say the word 'tomorrow'? Do you do that; take different words or phrases and repeat them over and over again in your mouth, experiencing how they work and how they feel? I do. It's like sucking on a Lifesaver. Putting the word in your mouth and tasting every part of it. Maybe that is what I will do with my blog. Experience it... over and over again... seeing how it works- how it feels.
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