The Joy of New Year Resolutions

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average... which means, you have met your New Year's resolution.
-Jay Leno

Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.
-Eric Zorn

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
-Bill Vaughan

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.
-Charles Lamb

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!
-Joey Adams

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. Unless a man starts on the strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is quite certain that he will never exist afterwards. Unless a man be born again, he shall by no means enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.
-G.K. Chesterton